xmas lies

As for xmas - it was very important for me to admit all the crappy things about it for me - It is so very, very long since I spent it with somebody that I loved and I have been pretending ever since to join in by sending cards and presents and saying "Happy Xmas" and really not being able to join in because one of the truths about xmas is that there is nobody else around because they are all with their families, whether they want to be or not, and there is only one thing more depressing than xmas on my own and that is xmas in some other family who are being kind - nomatter how kind they are, it is even more obvious to me what I am missing....

What I have realised about xmas, by trying to be honest about how I feel, is that most of it is a horrible lie and that is so sad. The biggest lie is father xmas - the whole world pretends that he exists - why cant the whole world pretend something useful like world peace or an end to hunger???? - I do have nothing against presents and magic and love but if anyone came down your chimney any other day you'd call the police wouldn't you? And would the police believe him if he said he wasn’t a thief but had brought presents? And wouldn’t they then call sniffer dogs and/or the bomb squad? And if you told your teacher or social worker that your parents let a strange man into your room to give you presents while you slept can you imagine he investigations? And if the parents then insisted that they had been lying to you and that it was them all along???? And how many people spend how many millions in therapy over the lies their parents tell them anyway????

The reason that I hate the lie about father xmas is not the lie, but because, when a child finds out about the lie, xmas is never the same again and they stop believing in magic and I think that is very, very sad and might even be the reason that we put up with war and famine and dictators etc etc - When we stop believing in magic, we stop believing that we can help to change our world and we stop believing that change can happen...

It has taken me many years, not to restore my belief in magic, but to experience magic and know that it exists every second of every day of every year in my enchanting life on this awesome planet and I know that with the help of magic I can and do make a difference.

At this moment, I do not know how I will experience xmas next year but I suspect it might be even more magical!

Solstice / New Year Wish

May All The Women In The World Be Safe And Free

by Bríd Wyldearth 2006

May all the women in the world be safe and free

May we never live in fear and misery

May we be loved and respected

May we be nurtured and protected

May all the women in the world be safe and free

May all the women in the world be safe and free

If any want to cause them fear or misery

May they choose to stop before they act

And get their kicks down other tracks

May all the women in the world be safe and free

May all the women in the world be safe and free

And if any cause them fear or misery

May we believe them when they tell us

May we rage and demand justice

May all the women in the world be safe and free

May all the women in the world be safe and free

And if any cause them fear or misery

May we comfort them and heal them

May we support them and empower them

May all the women in the world be safe and free

May all the women in the world be safe and free

May we never live in fear and misery

May we be loved and respected

May we be nurtured and protected

May all the women in the world be safe and free

May all the children of the earth be safe and free

May we never live in fear and misery

May we be loved and respected

May we be nurtured and protected

May all the children of the earth be safe and free

Solstice full moon etc

After writing my solstice moon reminder, I watched a programme on itv 1 about music and spirituality - it was Evelyn Glennie - the percussionist who I have had the priviledge to have seen live. She has always inspired me with both her words and her percussion. She spoke about improvisation as being pure self expression. The drum I made which is often flat in this damp climate was singing with the fire and the moon and I did let rip - just improvised very loudly. I will never be in the same league as Glennie but I felt a sisterhood with her in that moment - I did not need her gift of rhythm or her skill to communicate with and through my drum.

During the drumming, I was given two important insights - one personal about valuing and feeling valued by my friends - the second was scary and profound and I am not sure that I can put it into words....

The status quo, by which I mean capitalism, patriarchy and christianity have all seperated us from our planet. If we really experienced oursellves as part of her, we could not hurt her or each other. We would also have to take responsibility for what each of us do since we are all one and we cannot solve problems by blaming bad or evil people and feeling because we are not bad and evil we have some right to tell them what not to do! The solution is simple but I do despair of everyone agreeing to it....

Have also heard quite a bit abou evil greed destroying he planet and would like to offer an alternative view... Is it not so thatt the most greedy people are in fact the ecologists? They/we are after all wanting more of the beautiful earth for as long as possible and they/we are prepared to pay and do quite a lot to achieve this end. I just wonder if we can look at greed as a neutral human quality that can drive people and harness it rather than condemn it?

I have been watching some lovely - breathtakingly beautiful programmes about earh and space - did you know that Jupiter being so big draws comits and debris away from the earth.? Did you also know that the moon is moving away from us by 3cm per year?

It has not been comfortable, trying to be present with my feelings and honest. I am still not at all sure what it is all about for me and whether it is permanent or temporary but it has been surreal watching from the sidelines as most of my world and tv world participates with tinsel and lights and presents and jolity and romance and nostalgia. This season of good will has seemed to me more than ever before to be a season of of coersion. Even when I have been downright rude, people have still sent me cards, wished me a merry time and gone into great, uninvited, detail about their happiness in complete confidense that I would enjoy hearing about it. I even replied o one of these monologues with "I am a bit negative about the whole xmas thing" only to get an agreement that they had had a very bad xmas once and then more about how great this one was!!!

My grumps are easing now as i oprepare to see an old friend from across the world who Has promised not to mention the x word! I also watched "Kiki's Message Service" again this afternoon and my heart softened a bit more... It is an old japanese dubbed cartoon feature film. I think this is the third time I have happended aupon it and I can thoroughly recommend it. I had never seen the very begining before and it starts on the first full moon after a young witch turns thirteen - how much more magical could a film be????